I just attempted a fix on this, and for now it's solved. I'm a little worried that it's going to creep up again later, but here's what I did:
Followed the teardown guide to get the back off
Cleaned off the contacts, for good measure
Bent the 5 metal arms that press against the ribbon on the logic board so that they are more flush with the logic board contacts
I doubt that they will stay like that, but I'll see how it goes. I can't make it crackle or disconnect for now, as much as I've tried for the last few minutes.